Baby got back…

Hands up, who likes shopping for jeans? Personally, I’d rather yank my fingernails off one by one than spend not-so-quality time in a suffocating fitting room, surrounded by bright lights, too many mirrors and hundreds of denims designed for tall, skinny people who think an ass is a miniature horse. If I sound bitter, it’s because I inherited the short, curvy genes, without having a pair of short, curvy jeans to match, if you know what I mean.

So it was with great trepidation and skepticism I RSVP’ed “yes” to a function that promised to reveal jeans “designed especially for me” (not likely). The cunning people at Levi’s®, however, sweetened the deal with a swanky venue – a suite at the Michelangelo Towers (yes, please!). I pulled into a parking bay at 9.30am and rode the lift to the 33rd floor while my ears popped and my eyes bulged. Maybe this is why Khanyi Mbau – a former resident – always has such a wide-eyed expression!

As I sipped on bubbly with Jen Su and PR guru Toolz Hadebe in the plush three-story suite (I half-expected Willy Wonka to jump out of the glass elevator resting in the lounge), it occurred to me that it’s moments like these that lead people to believe I don’t have a real job.

Debbie Gernhardt, the marketing director of Levi Strauss South Africa, soon revealed the reason for our fashionable little gathering – the launch of Levi’s® Curve ID. Turns out the trick to finding your perfect fit isn’t in figuring out your size, but rather the measurement of your hip to your seat. In other words, it’s all about the swerve in your curve, the junk in your truck, the bounce in your butt.

In most of the 110 countries where Levi’s® are available, three Curve IDs exist – the Slight Curve (for gals with a straight, boyish figure), the Demi curve (for those with even, hourglass proportions), and the Bold Curve (for those with a hint of a booty).

But of course, us Africans need another option – one that fits our itty, bitty waists and big, round behinds (I may be a white girl from the ’burbs, but trust me when I say my booty is all African). Enter the Levis® Eva jeans which have been added as an option in the Curve ID range and hug your curves without gaping at the back or exhibiting crack, which – as everyone knows – is whack.

Turns out I’m a 30 in the Eva’s, which sounds fabulous. Levi’s® are always a couple sizes down from your usual size which is really just another cunning trick designed to make you feel good about yourself. Altogether now: “I like big butts and I cannot lie…”

Get measured for your perfect fit at your nearest Levi’s® store or visit the Women’s Show in Johannesburg this weekend, from August 27–29 at the Coca-Cola Dome, Northgate.

Smooth operator

Perks of the job include sometimes being asked to be part of a live studio audience for local TV shows. This week I made my way to Urban Brew Studios in Randburg to check out the taping of Tonight with Trevor Noah (Wednesdays on M-Net @ 7.30pm). This is the part where I admit I missed the first episode, only to hear a few negative reviews peppered with words like “awkward”, “cringe worthy” and “unfunny”. Nevertheless, I wasn’t about to turn down the opportunity to go behind the scenes of showbiz and, if nothing else, perv over the dreamy Mr Noah. Yes, the man is verging on overexposure – thank you Cell C, Simba, Kulula and SARS - but that doesn’t make him any less funny or oh-so-cute. The truth is that I’ve been after him for years, in a purely professional way of course. Ever since he emceed a hair care function I attended, I set my sights on getting him shirtless… for the magazine, I mean. I even threw myself at him at The Venue a few months later when he was hosting another show and launch party. Polite as always, he told me to email him. I did. About a hundred times. Such a busy guy, he’s probably still going through all his mails. He’ll get to mine eventually. Right after he answers all those Cell C complaints that is…

So back to the show. It wasn’t as awful as I was led to believe. In fact, they seem to be working out the kinks and I had moments of genuine laughter not prompted by the applause sign. Okay, there wasn’t really an applause sign but rather a guy named Lefty encouraging us to make some noise. The funniest moments happened in between takes. Trevor goofing off with his pal Eugene Khoza and guest HHP bursting into an uncanny impression of Sean Kingston, headband and all, had me doing the silent laughter thing when you gasp for breath in a heaving, unattractive kind of way. Sexy.

Once the cameras stopped rolling, the always-generous folk at M-Net ushered us into a room filled with snacks and Savannahs (thanks, Ingrid) as I waited for my chance to making a lasting impression on Trev. He appeared half an hour later and I got a chance to snap a pic with him (thanks, Ingrid) but alas, he didn’t appear to be bowled over by my charm and wit (note to self: not a good idea to make jokes around a stand-up comic, especially not about his black velvet jacket).

In the end, the man barely said two words to me. I guess I can’t really blame him. It must be quite annoying to be bombarded at work by randoms wanting a piece of you. And let’s be honest, it’s not like he needs any more publicity. The next morning, Trevor was back to being cute and funny on 5FM while he defended himself against the inevitable backlash that comes from public success. And he won me over - all over again!